THE PREFILED BILLS

I spent some time reading the AL Senate’s prefiled bills tonight.
After wading through the 10% devoted solely to subjugating every uterus in Alabama, (do these people EVER think about anything else?!) I followed up with an incomprehensible screed about Landscaping Licensure. It was impossible not to wonder if the indignant Legislator had at least a brother-in-law level of personal interest..

Gerald Dial, or is it Reverend Dial (?) wants money for schools – specifically, money to put the Ten Commandments there, and everywhere the State (that’s you and me) owns property. The Rev. is devoting the remainder of his legislative salvo to enhanced arson penalties – but only if the afflicted building is a church.

Sen. Bussman demands the Health Dept. list (kerchoo!) ephedrine as a Controlled Substance. Keahy is after synthetic marijuana and bingo machines. Is it Father Keahy? Go stand over there with the Rev. Dial.

Brewbaker (R-WithYourMoney) wants to enact an unfunded mandate for welfare-related drug testing. Guess he spent his summer vacation in Florida instead of in Mississippi with Williams, Allen, Scofield and other members of the Really, Really Bad Law Fan Club.

Holley’s mother-in-law volunteers for United Way I guess, because they are going to be in the VIP line for State funded health benefits. How nice for them.

I think Sanford has spent too much time on the Ron Paul website. He has a bill prepared to make gold and silver coins legal tender in Alabama.

I am full of awe and wonder.

I have written an Alabama Bill of my own. It’s below the fold. God told me to do it.

A Bill to be Entitled An Act

That, from this day forward ALL legislation affecting or concerning my State shall be filed no later than one year in advance of its first reading, so as to allow the citizenry to fully digest and comprehend the efforts of their Legislative Employees.

Having had sufficient notice, the People shall then decide for themselves which pieces of Legislation, if any, are worthy of continued expenditure of tax money, State time, Legal Defense and newspaper space. Any Bill deemed frivolous by a two thirds majority vote on Facebook shall be discarded before the Legislative session begins, never to reappear under penalty of death to the offending Legislator.

Alabama Legislators shall take an oath which precludes introducing laws in direct contravention of either the US Constitution or the decisions of the Supreme Court of the United States. This is, after all, Alabama. We cite our high school dropout rate and refrain from issuing opinions on National Policy.

Legislators who contribute passable ideas will be allowed to remain in Montgomery to defend their bills. The rest shall return home, having been reimbursed for mileage plus the Federal per diem.

Any Legislator NOT producing a new law shall remain in Montgomery to vote on the new bills.

Any Legislator who succeeds in repealing old, stupid laws rather than writing new ones shall receive a bonus equal to the forfeited salary of Legislators who were dismissed on their lack of merit.

First Read on my dining room floor Thursday, Nov. 10, 2011 at 1:23 a.m.

Julie S. , one of the 99% in OccupyBirmingham